My phone thinks my boyfriend is my ‘best friend’. It’s not alone | Patrick Lenton

Guardian writer Patrick Lenton has written about a relationship people often fail to see. On a trip to Italy, a rose seller walked past him and his boyfriend. The seller offered flowers only to straight couples. The pair started a game called invisible gays. They counted more than seven times they were overlooked. At a birthday dinner, a waiter called him a good friend. His phone files photos of the couple into an album called best friends. Pictures of his dog sit in the same album.

Lenton writes that same-sex couples can be too visible or not visible at all. He describes slurs shouted from cars. He also describes being followed through Newtown at night. Hate crimes against gay and bisexual men have made headlines this year. Next year marks ten years since marriage equality passed. He argues that Mardi Gras and pride flags still matter. When queer love goes unseen, he says, it can seem abnormal.

Being ignored sounds small next to violence, and Lenton says so. But he argues invisibility helps make abuse easier to justify.